Wrestling with the Truth?

Have you ever wrestles with the truth?

If you're shaking your head no, you might want to check your pulse. Or maybe you're wrestling with it right now. Becasue everyone has been through this at one time or another.

Today I'm talking specifically about wrestling with the truth in relationships.

Oh yeah, that's a biggie.

OK, we're not talking about what to say when your partner says "Do I look fat in this?" That's just common sense. We're talking about when you feel hurt, angry or irritated (or otherwise unpleasant) by someone in your life, do you tell them the truth, or do you silently suffer?

Admittedly, no one wants all their faults and imperfections thrown up in their face all the time. I know I don't, adn I'm sure you wouldn't want that either. I'm talking about those things that can make or break a relationship.

An insensitive comment that hurts.

An email that evokes strong emotions (which may or may not have been the intent of the email--it's so easy to misread tone).

An omission...a lie, a forgotten birthday or special occasion, a missed gift, a "stand up"

A feeling of drifting apart

Get the picture?

When these things happen in our relationships (and it's not a question of "if" it's only a question of "when." If you think your relationship is perfect, you are most definitely in DENIAL) how do we handle them?

Typically, there are only a couple of things we can do:

1 - ignore it
2 - pretend to ignore it, while suffering in silence
3 - get mad
4 - get even
5 - end the relationship or just "disappear"
6 - initiate an open discussion

These are probably listed in the order of popularity. But certainly not in the order of efficacy!

By far, teh most powerful (and sometimes scariest) is #6 - initiate an open discussion.

If we can take that leap of faith and be honest, we open the door to deeper intimacy in teh relationship. That would certainly be the payoff. However, the risk is that the other person gets angry and chooses steps 1-5 (with 5 being the scariest!)

The question for you today is:

Who are you currently holding a grudge against? Is that relationship worth the risk of being honest, knowing that the best case scenario is a deeper intimacy and stronger bond, and the worst case scenario means they end the relationship or get mad at you? Who can you be open and honest with today, with the intent of strengthening a bond?

P.S. Be forewarned! An open discussion may mean that they get to tell you what YOU did that's been bugging them...it's that pesky "open" part of open discussion. Good luck!