Remember When You Were Four?

Can you remember when you were four years old?

Maybe you were just learning to ride a tricycle. Maybe you were anticipating some cool new toy for Christmas. Maybe your younger sibling was born. Maybe you recall a favorite TV show. Maybe you were just as happy as a four-year old can be.

Heads-up, success-seekers. I'm about to tell you somehting that could blow your mind....

Something happened to you when you were four.

Well, maybe you were three, or three and a half, or five, but it was pretty close to the time you turned four.

Whatever happened caused you to think/feel/believe one of 2 things. Either:
1) "I'm not enough"
or
2) "Something is wrong"

Maybe you got yelled at for something you didn't do. Maybe you overheard an argument your folks were having, and you thought somehow it was your fault. Maybe you walked in on your parents while they were having sex. Maybe you saw someone do something bad. Maybe a trusted adult said something mean. Maybe you got punished for the first "major" time. Maybe someone you love died, or maybe they just left you.

It could have been somethign big, or it could have been something really, really small. But whatever it was, it caused you to feel like either something was wrong, or somehow you weren't enough. You've been carrying that weight around with you for a long, long time and believe it or not, it is the reason you continue to attract pain in certain parts of your life, in certain ways.

See, in that moment when you felt you were not enough, or that something was wrong and you couldn't fix it, you made a decision.

Maybe you decided you would try to be good enough. Maybe you decided that life is unfair. Maybe you decided that sex is dirty or nasty. Maybe you decided that trusting people gets you hurt. Maybe you decided you were not smart enough, strong enough, cute enough, fast enough, nice enough, or whatever.

So you have spent the rest of your life acting out the decisions of a four year old.

Let's assume you decided in that moment: "I'm not enough--I'm too weak." Today you might be a bodybuilder, an obsessive weight lifter, a personal trainer, a karate black belt, a bouncer, a boxer, a bear-hugger, a person who gets in fights a lot, etc. You are still trying to be strong enough. But will you ever BE strong enough to erase the pain of not being strong enough that one time, as a child? Nope.

How about another one? Let's say back when you were four something happened (and let me be clear: this was ONE, specific incident, not a general feeling about something. If you sense a general feeling, keep going back in your mind until you can find the specific incident that happened when you were 3 or 4) and you were made to feel like you weren't smart enough. Perhaps your parents didn't explain something to you becasue they thought you were too young. Maybe an older sibling made fun of you in front of their friends, and you were left feeling dumb. Maybe a joke was told in adult company that you were too young to understand, and a condescending adult made you feel silly for asking what it meant. Whatever happened, you were left feeling stupid. How does that manifest today?

Perhaps now you have (or are working towards) a PhD, or you are a college professor, you publish scientific work, you have an IQ that's off the charts, you are a brilliant writer, a scholar, a genius, an inventor, a research specialist, an authority, an expert witness, a teacher, or otherwise highly respected and very knowledgeable expert in your field. And yet, you are driven to continue learning, to be smarter, to know more...but it will never be enough.

What's the answer?

Actually, it's quite simple.

Take yourself back to that very moment when it happened. Think back to where you were, who you were with, what you were doing or saying or hearing. Feel the pain of when it happened - don't resist. Feel it for just a moment. Discover what decision you made as a result of that (I'll never do that again; I'll show them; I can be better; etc).

Now, realize that the rest of your life has been based on YOU acting out the decision you made when you were FOUR. See all teh times in your life -- all teh struggles, and how they relate to that decision that you made.

If you can, laugh at the ridiculousness of a grown person, living out a life based on a four-year old's reasoning mentality.

Realize that you will NEVER be good enough, smart enough, funny enough, strong enough, fast enough, quiet enough, whatever inadequacy you felt in that moment, just realize that NOTHING you do will make it right.

Accepting THAT will set you free.

I know, it sounds hard. It sounds depressing. Who wants to consciously feel pain? But I promise you this:

If you find the source of the pain and FEEL it and ACCEPT it and RELEASE it, you will feel NO MORE PAIN from it. It will literally DISAPPEAR. No years of therapy, no sharing your feelings, none of that is necessary. In other words, it's like ripping off a band-aid -- it only hurts for a second. And look at all the times in your life when you've felt pain as a result of your decision-making past. Avoid future pain by following the guidance I provide here.

Go ahead, try it. And share your breakthroughs if you like - post a comment. No, I won't call you chicken if you post it anonymously. :-) For a more in-depth explanation of why this works and how to do it, check out Landmark. I highly recommend it to all success-seekers.

Here's your question of the day:

In what area of your life do you seem to keep making the same mistakes or seeing the same kind of pain? Now, what happened when you were about 4 years old that you are still carrying around today? Can you now see how one is related to the other?