Truth about Trash Talk

Did I tell you I started playing racquetball with my husband Andy?

It's only been about 3 weeks now, but we're playing 2-3 times a week and I'm getting pretty good, if I do say so myself.


Andy still creams me every time, but the matches are getting closer, and he's definitely having to work for each win. And I usually win the 3rd or 4th game each time, because I know how to work him when he starts getting tired.

He typically wins because I have a major weak spot, and he knows how to exploit it on the serve. He also knows that my serve is getting better by leaps and bounds, and if he lets me serve, he'll probably lose. Ha! Fun times.

Anyway, what does all this have to do with success, you ask?

Excellent question.

I recently found out something about "trash talk" and I wanted to share it with you.

According to Wikipedia, "Trash-talk is a form of boast or insult commonly heard in competitive situations (such as sports events). It is often used to intimidate the opposition, but can also be used in a humorous spirit. Trash-talk is often characterized by hyperbolic, figurative language, e.g., "Your team can't run! You run like honey on ice!" Puns and other wordplay are commonly used."

I don't know about "honey on ice," but I've definitely slung a few zingers in my day. Mostly phrases like "Prepare to be annihilated" or "you're going DOWN!"

Then I read somewhere that "trash talk" lowers everyone's vibration.

Hmmm, that makes sense actually. It lowers the vibration of the person hearing it, because it's mean and degrading (even when done in a 'playful' or joking way, the ultimate vibration is meant to demean or weaken). And it lowers the vibration of the person saying it, because, well, honestly -- WTF?

If the trash talker were that good, their actions would speak for themselves. They wouldn't need to mouth off or play some kind of mind games to win.

Believe me, I know what it's like when you're losing by a lot, or you're on the verge. Most of us will exploit any angle we can to get the upper hand. I was using a nasty little trick on Andy when he was beating me but I was starting to catch up -- if he hurt a shoulder (usually by slamming into a wall to make a play!) right before he served, I'd ask "How's your shoulder?" I wanted to keep him in the space of thinking about how his shoulder hurt, instead of thinking about how to crush me on the serve.

Yeah, I know it's a low blow, but I hate to lose! Don't we all?

But then I found out this bit about trash talking lowering everyone's vibration. And I thought, wow -- it may be hurting his game a little bit, but it's hurting mine, too! And I thought about the way the greatest Beijing Olympians have been playing, and how the little bit of trash talk that was publicized seems to come back and bite the trash talker in the ass... So I thought, let's see what happens if I stop?

And you know what? My game improved by at least 35%. Holy crap! 35%! That's outrageous! I started playing better than ever. I didn't worry about Andy or how to mind-muck him up, I just focused on what I was doing, and focused on staying in the moment, staying in the game.

Sweeeeeeet.

And then I noticed that when I played like that, he didn't get pissed or frustrated when I had a good run. The whole vibration of the court was raised significantly -- we were even able to compliment each other on great plays -- even when those great plays meant we lost a serve or the other person scored a point. For sure, a much more fun way to play.

And besides, good sportsmanship is always in style.

Look at that classy move by Dara Torres the other day. What a great example of vibration-raising at its finest!



In case you missed it, Dara was about to race a heat but one of her competitors had torn her suit at the last minute and was going to attempt to change into a new suit. (And we're not talking about a bikini, right? It was one of those high-tech full-body suits)

So Dara walked over to the official and told her they should wait -- not a requirement by Olympic rules. And so they waited, and she appeared momentarily, and they raced. And even though Dara Torres had been all fired up -- concerned, quick to tell the official, surely adrenaline pumping -- she kicked ass in her race and finished FIRST! (The other girl didn't qualify, but at least she got to race, and won't spend the next 4 years wondering "what if")

It is likely that the other swimmer would have missed the race entirely if it wasn't for Dara's extreme compassion, consideration and magnificent display of sportsmanlike behavior. Now that's a winner in my book.


Like Dara herself said, "They may be my competitors in the pool, but they're my friends outside of the pool."

Amen to that. Hey -- my fiercest racquetball opponent is one I wake up with every morning. So in the long run, it pays to dump the trash talk and play nice, don't you think? (But that doesn't mean I won't beat him whenever I can!)