Do YOU Create Unnecessary Stress?

Don't shake your head "no" until you REALLY think about that question. Do you create unnecessary stress in your life?

This week I am becoming more aware of how much useless stress we create simply by keeping our feelings to ourselves. we bottle up the tiniest of emotions until we finally erupt into a tornado of emotion and leave those around us wondering "what was THAT?"

Why is it so hard to just say "please stop that" when someone is bugging you? Sounds like an easy thing to do, but for so many of us, it's more comfortable to just keep quiet, try to forget about it (which, incidentally, is nearly impossible to do because we draw more attention to it by 'trying' to 'forget' about it) so we squash it down inside with the other unvented stuff.

What if we just said (with KINDNESS): "Would you mind stopping that? It's kind of bugging me."

I mean, what would really happen?

My guess is the person would stop.

Hooray, right?

Well, interaction among human beings is just not that simple. The person would stop, but instead of saying that THEY were bugged by the fact that YOU asked them to stop, or something else that YOU do really bugs them but THEY were polite enough to keep their mouth shut, or some other such nonsense...either way, they would probably bottle up that feeling and seethe about it and you might pick up on that and then it causes tension in your relationship and there's friction and eventually you have a huge fight over something silly because of all the other things you've been suppressing.

Does any of this sound familiar?

I decided to see what would happen if I started to tell the truth.

At first, it was scary. My friends didn't know how to take me. Some of them were honest and told me things about myselkf that I didn't necessarily want to hear. Things I was perfectly happy either denying or not knowing at all. Apparently, I had a little growing to do. Ouch.

Plus, there was some fallout. See, not everyone is willing to do a little growing, unless it's on their terms. Some people can't handle the truth, and they choose to opt out and stay in denial. That's fine for them, but if I'm committed to tell the truth adn they're committed not to hear it, it can put a damper on a relationship. In some cases, we decided it was better to part ways. It happens, and I think both parties are better off sometimes.

On the upside, I've experienced tremendous growth in the relationships that stuck it out and were willing to challenge me and be challenged by me. The rel;ationships have elevated to a higher connection - no more b.s. talk about who did what and where are you going this weekend and what did you buy while shopping today. Well ok, there's still a little of that...but for the most part, conversations have gotten more meaningful and more fulfilling.

To be honest, I like my friends better now.
I like myself better now.
It's a whole different dynamic with a lot less stress. Because no one goes looking for a friend who can create more stress in their life. "Gee, I'm feeling pretty relaxed. Let me see if I can go find a new friend who canstress me out and make me want to scream."

Now, don't get me wrong - if a friend asks me whether her ass looks fat in a certain outfit, I'm going to be honest but not blunt. The key is to be honest with KINDNESS, remember? I may say "I like the black skirt better" or "maybe with a different top?" But I'd never just say "yeah, you look like a house, maybe you should start working out again."

That's the difference between challenging someone and being a jerk.

Although I admit, it's a fine line...one I've mistakenly crossed more than once. But you live and learn, and when you can sincerely apologize (that took some growing for me, too) your true friends will forgive you.

So my question for you today is:

What would happen in your life if you started to tell the truth?