Shocking Results of the Experiment Are IN!

OK, I'm *finally* ready to report my results of the visualization exercise.

I promise the results will shock you beyond belief. They sure as hell shocked me.

For starters, I didn't win a dime.

But that's probably because I didn't play.

Huh?

Yep, that's what I spent days asking myself. Why do you think I haven't written sooner? I was puzzling all this out in my mind. I had to learn the lesson. Then I had to get the gumption to write and expose myself (although not in the typical Vegas way) and then I had to see if there was a lesson in it for you.

Because if there's nothing for YOU to learn in teh experience, then this blog is nothign more than an ego trip for me. I'm always searching for the lessons for me AND you...I suspect that's why you keep reading these random ramblings.

So here's the long and short of it.

Day 1 was a travel/exploring day. My mom and sister walked me to exhaustion. When we got back from dinner adn MORE shopping, I went straight to bed. No time for gambling.

Day 2 was even busier -- we went non-stop for about 10 hours that day. Again, had about 30 mins on my laptop (total withdrawals for me!) and then went to bed. Beginning to feel like it was time to get busy gambling.

While you were visualizing my big win, I was visualizing writing a HUGE check to that worthy cause I mentioned. I imagined Sue Kelly's face as I handed it to her, and I imagined her and the whole board dreaming and planning about all the things they could buy, improvements they could made, and new programs they could implement. It's a delicious image.

Day 3 was busy, but by mid-afternoon, I said "I'm done." and headed back to the hotel room. My sis kept shopping, but mom headed back with me. My feet were killing me, and all these shops and casinos started to look alike. I decided to feed the baby and head down to the casino with cash in my pocket.

I packed my cell phone, my cash, and 2 forms of ID (isn't that what you need when you win big?)

But I could feel the resistance.

Teh FEAR was almost palpable.

I was terrified.

But of what?

Ah, the fear was horrible. It's embarassing to even admit to you how I was practically paralyzed.

I decided to start slow. I'll drop $10 in a video poker machine, and sort of "warm up" for the heavy gambling. Seemed like a good plan.

I chose a machine and sat down.

It was a good machine. I played for over an hour on $10. I practiced trusting my instinct instead of my intellect. That was an itneresting exercise. I noticed resistance. I noticed frustration when my intellect was wrong. I noticed how I get stuck in the past.

I also learned that I'm a sucker for an inside straight.

I was walking around, looking for the big winner machine, when my cell phone rang.

My husband called to tell me my sister in law was having the baby tomorrow. There were things to discuss. then my other line rang in -- my sister was back in the hotel room,a dn the baby was crying. They were trying to calm her, but they couldn't, and they asked me to come back to the room.

Of course, I created all that as an excuse to leave the casino before winning a jackpot.

Becasue of the frickin' fear.

Cursed fear!

The nite whittled away, and by the time I got her to bed, I didn't want to go back ot the casino (FEAR).

Ah well, I still have the morning, or so I thought.

I slept late (thank you again FEAR). I awoke to the sounds of packing -- my mom and sis were gettnig ready to head to the airport. I had an hour and a half to myself -- plenty of time to hit that jackpot, or so I thought.

Once they left, I had to feed the baby again (see how I keep creating these stall tactics? They seem innocent enough, hmmm?) And then I had to pack.

Packing took longer than I thought (imagine THAT) and then I was faced with a choice:

Spending some time in the casino meant I would risk missing my flight.

Now I know what Randy Gage would say. If I knew I would win the jackpot, then I could easily afford to get on a different flight.

But the fear was so strong -- like New Orleans coffee and chicory on a sweltering August afternoon.

By now you are probably asking, Amy, what the heck were you so afraid of??

I knew I would win.

Not just win a few hundred bucks, but a MAJOR jackpot. Like 6 figures.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that if I had gone to the casino, and played the machine that was calling me to play it, I would have won at least $100,000.

And the thought of that scared the crap out of me.

We all dream of winning the lottery, and many of us even go so far as to buy a ticket. But why do so few people actually win the $100,000 Powerball prize for getting the 5 #s (without the powerball #) ?

I suspect it's FEAR.

Every excuse I came up with was empty:

I can't bring my baby into the casino!
Nonsense -- just the night before, someone had their stroller parked next to a slot machine.

What about all the smoke? Isn't that bad for baby?
Nonsense -- the casino would have been pretty empty at 8:00AM on a Thursday.

I don't think I can manage my suitcase and the stroller.
Nonsense, getting down the hall to the elevator was a breeze (remember I told you about my new luggage?)

I don't have enough time to gamble AND make my flight.
Nonsense, the airport is about 10 minutes from teh strip, adn how long does it take when you know you'll win and you've got dozens of people around the world visualizing it with you?

I knew I wasn't kidding anyone. The Universe was even telling me to go into the casino. It took me FIVE attempts to get an elevator. I ended up taking it all the way up to the 22nd floor just to ride it down to the lobby. And it even stopped on teh Casino level and I had a strong urge to step off and play.

But I denied it and went to lobby, got a cab ASAP and got to the airport in no time. Security was a breeze and I even had time to sit down at a slot machine at the airport.

But I already knew I was done for.

The Universe had given me clear premonitions of the machine, the location, and the dollar amount. But I chickened out.

Bok, bok, bok, b-gaaaaak.

I had some time over the next few days to think about what I'd done. And the impact of it.

And as usual, when we ask for answers, and we are compeltely open to whatever may surface, the answers come swiftly and often unexpectedly.

The answer I got was a WHOPPER of an answer.

It revealed a limiting belief so big, so pervasive in my life, that it almost brought me to tears just to acknowledge it.

I am going out on a limb just telling you this. I feel as though I'm about to bare my soul to you. I feel a little like Jerry Maguire must have felt just before he wrote his memo. (You know, the one that got him fired. Good thing I'm self-employed!)

My whopper of a limiting belief was this:

THERE'S NEVER ENOUGH.

And when I looked at the impact of that on my life. Whew! It's a part of every single aspect of my life!

I'm constantly setting myself up for disappointment because there's never enough. No matter how much money I make, there's never enough to cover what I really want. No matter how much my husband does, it's never enough for me to stop nagging him. No matter how much I do, it's never enough for my family to cut me some slack. There's never enough love, enough money, enough creativity, enough patience, enough time, enough acceptance, enough people to trust, and on and on and on.

I spent a good bit of time looking at everywhere in my life this belief has limited me.

And I can see that all the resistance I have is because of this single whopper of a belief.

The good news about beliefs is that we can choose them.

Sure, I can look back at my childhood and see exactly where I got that crazy belief from. Thanks Mom and Dad. Hey, I know you did the best you could with what you had at the time.

Now that I'm all grown up, I can choose to believe soemthing else.

So I've been doing a lot of releasing work around that belief, and I'm already seeing results from it.

Like I said, it's a doozy of a limiting belief.

What does any of this have to do with teh Experiment?

Well, I think the reason I didn't gamble is because underneath it all, "There's never enough" was running the show.

Part of me probably figured that no matter how much I won, it wouldn't be "enough" to make the experiment seem substantial.

Part of me probably figured that even if I won $100,000, it wouldn't be "enough" after taxes, travel expenses, and the donation of 20% I promised to make.

Maybe some part of me worried that however much I donated to Unity on the Avenue wouldn't be enough to make a difference for them.

Maybe I also worried that if I only won $500, I would get flamed by people who thought the experiment was a hoax, or people who don't believe in the Law of Attractoin or the power of visualization.

That dang "never enough" belief was EVERYWHERE for me -- and I had no idea it was there.

Kind of makes you wonder -- what's lurking under the surface that you may be completely blind to? What's your whopper of a belief that's running the show?

I am so grateful for this experience. Sure, it's a bit embarrassing to admit how it all came about. To admit that I chickened out and didn't pull the trigger (or the lever, in this case).

But if I hadn't had the experience -- then I wouldn't know about this beleif that was calling the shots, and I wouldn't have been able to release it. That is the greatest gift of all.

Did you know that you (yes YOU) create challenges because there is something you want to learn? There is a golden egg -- a life lesson waiting for you in every experience.

And the lesson is never "the gift of suffering" or "learning to sacrifice" or "whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger" or any such nonsense. There is a wonderful, beautiful, freeing gift waiting for you.

But some people find it easier to curse the experience, rather than relish the gift of lesson.

Me, I'll take the lesson any day.

Because today, I'm talking to you as a freer woman than I was a week ago. You can't believe how different everything is now.

For the first time in my life, I "get" abundance on a whole new level. Not just intellectually, but at the core of my being.

I'm sure I could *finally* win the lottery, if I really wanted to.

But I'm not sure I'm ready for that kind of responsibility. :-)

Besides, I've got a lot to contribute -- there are so many new things coming down the pike, if I stopped to tell you all about them, your head would spin (like Mark's did when I brought him up to speed. Oh, you haven't met Mark Semple yet? Read yesterday's post.)

So where's the lesson for you in all this?

Simple:

FEAR is b.s.

LACK is an illusion.

Every experience (whether you think it's good or bad) offers the gift of a lesson, and an opportunity for transformation.

Now, I won't let you off the hook without a QoD:

What is your biggest limiting belief that you're currently aware of? What methods can you use to release that limiting belief? Are you willing to look for the lesson in your experiences -- both good and bad? If not, what is holding you back?

Go for it!