The Secret to Successful Parenting

By reading the subject of this post, you might be under the impression that I actually know “The Secret to Successful Parenting.”

Actually, I was hoping you would know. (Feel free to post in a comment, if you DO know)

I’m still figuring all this stuff out. With a heap of intuition, a smidge of common sense, and an ever-growing pile of patience, I’m working on it every day.

Our darling Sally seemed to have a setback. This trip hasn’t been easy for her, and it’s hard to say why, other than that she is completely out of her routine (and she misses her friends – yesterday she told me she wants some friends to play with).

What do I mean by a setback? Well, more than 3 potty “accidents” in a 24-hour period seems completely out of whack for a child who has been fully potty trained for more than 6 months now.

Andy and I were both so frustrated – why is she having all these accidents?

We looked at emotional angles. Where are her needs not being met? We looked at ourselves – why are we co-creating this? We looked everywhere except the most obvious place.

This sometimes happens with us analytical types…

We forgot to check the PHYSICAL realm. Our nanny politely suggested, “Is it possible that she could have a bladder infection?”

Huh? Well we flat-out hadn’t thought of that.

We headed on down to the store and loaded up on cranberry juice. We cut back on all sweets and increased her water intake.

And within 36 hours, she was good as gold. Whew! (oh, and we also bought a pack of pull-ups. Which they make to fit until about age 6! Go figure.)

But after we had reprimanded her for the 3rd accident, and before we realized there could be a physical dis-ease for her accidents, my heart was nearly breaking.

We were sitting in a cab, coming back from our amusement park adventure at Luna Park, and I looked over and for the first time in a long time, I noticed how very small Sally looked.

“My god, I thought – she’s only 3 and a half. Am I expecting too much? Am I being too demanding? Am I acting like Mommie Dearest?”

My heart just ached to see what a little person she was, sitting there next to me with her very own seatbelt in the back of the cab. My my, but they look so different without the big bulky carseat.

She’s so tiny, and Andy and I are like her whole world. We are her most important role models, authority figures, and friends. And it must be so scary and upsetting to disappoint someone who is that big of an influence on your life. I just stayed in the moment, and I actually started to weep silently. I got the whole scope of it, and I just allowed myself to feel it, and to send out waves of love to my little darling.

I held Sally’s hand the whole way back to the apartment, and vowed to be more understanding. I asked for a sign – what could I do differently to make sure she knows how very much she is loved and cherished?

It was when we got home that Penny suggested the possibility of a bladder infection. And then, well, I already explained what happened after that.

We have massive responsibilities as parents. I often feel like I watch my every word when speaking to her – I tell you, it takes practice and skill to speak only possibility to a person. To provide firm guidance while speaking only with love, patience and understanding.

Every now and then, I manage to get it right.

The rest of the time, I just keep learning, keep striving to be better, and I keep clearing.

Whew! This parenting stuff is hard work. No wait, I’m not going to affirm that. Instead let me say this: “Every day, I become a better parent.”

If you’ve got kids, feel free to steal that affirmation for yourself. I think every parent could use it. And our kids sure as heck will benefit.

QoD: Do you take all of your responsibilities seriously? How would the lives of those around you change if you were more present, more “in the now,” more often?

Go for it.